Tales From the Milk Drinker

Well folks it finally happened. Someone assumed that just because I have a big ass I'm door man material. A local hotel payed yours truely a tidy 75$ to make sure nothing got out of hand a local drunken wedding fest last weekend. I reported for duty wearing the only pair of jeans that fits me anymore and a tight tight black t shirt. They provided the nametag which read "security".

It was a calm night and all I really did was walk around listening for excessively noisey rooms of which there were none. My main duty was standing at the door to the dance and asking people (nicely and if possible comically) to please finish their drinks before they leave because this establishment's liquor license specifies that guests may not roam the hotel with liquor in hand. Almost everyone was compliant and those who weren't recieved no hastle from me - I wan't about to upset the applecart over someone drinking a glass of wine while he/she used the ATM.

Overall it was the easiest money I've made in my life. And you can't beat the hands on touch you get with Hired Goons.